Season of Change

I don’t feel like I’m in any place to be writing on a blog right now.  Aren’t people who write things for other people to read supposed to write out of their strength?  I can honestly say that I’m very much writing out of my weakness.  And I don’t like it.  I’m trying to type but I can’t see for the tears blurring my vision.  It’s a season of change in my life and I don’t like it.  I don’t like change at all but for some reason, this one is hitting hard.

I did carpool today.  That’s nothing new.  I do carpool every day but today was interesting.  I was asking the kids what they were going to be for Halloween.  After we went around the car and everyone answered, Sophia asked me what I was going to be.  I told her I didn’t think I was going to dress up.  She thought for a little bit and then said “I know!  You can be Miss Jess!”  I laughed at first but then what she said started to sink in on a deeper level.  I realized that I was really good at being Miss Jess.  Miss Jess is happy.  She’s fun.  She’s funny! She thinks of fun activities for us to do together.  Everyone loves to go to Miss Jess’ house!  The problem is that I’m not always “Miss Jess”.  Sometimes I’m mommy or wife or just plain Jess and that person isn’t always the happiest.  She has down days.  She gets mad about dumb stuff.  She gets herself worked into a funk and can’t figure out how she got there or how she’s supposed to get out.  I want to be more like Miss Jess.  I’m just not sure I know how.

The other day I listened to Brad Lomenick talk about how we need to keep things in perspective.  There is a hierarchy to who we are.

Identity –> Calling –> Assignment

Identity – Who am I?
Calling – Why am I here?
Assignment – What do I do?

My identity is the highest form of who I am.  It’s unchanging.  For us as Christians, our identity is that we are children of God.  The problem comes when we confuse either our calling or our assignment with our identity.  We start to think that what we’ve been called to do somehow defines who we are and that’s just not true.

I think that’s where I’m struggling now.  What I’m doing and how I’m doing it are changing and in the midst of that change, I have to ground myself in the fact that who I am – my identity – does not change. Whether I’m mommy, wife, Jess or Miss Jess, my identity is the same as it always was.  I’m a child of God.  I’m a child, loved by God.

Do you struggle with changing seasons?  Or are you more of a “go with the flow” kind of girl?
Do you sometimes put your calling or assignment above your identity?
What happens when your assignment changes?

~Jess

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