I Don't Want To! Breathe Ministry

But I Don’t Want To!

“But I don’t want to!” The words I kept thinking again and again as I felt the constant gentle nudge and pull, away from what I had loved doing so much. Surely not! I am to keep on going in this direction to serve the Lord! Surely, I am to stay where I am!

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:19, NIV

As I kept insisting on going down that path, one door after another kept closing, and windows were not opening. The more I resisted, the more depressed I got. I even began hearing, I guess the Lord is done with me. Or maybe those words were whispered from the enemy. Either way, I was in the wilderness, a dry desert wasteland. Emotionally. Mentally. And spiritually.

But I don’t want to!

While being pulled away from youth ministry, I was continually wooed, called, beckoned, and loved into women’s ministry. I walked in with a skeptical eye. So very uncomfortable, yet feeling the warmth of healing begin to wash over me. Love being poured into me. Week after week. Month after month. And before I knew it, the doors that were opening, were leading me to extend that same blessing to other women.

But the “what if’s”.

As I look back on that time, I regret I was not obedient sooner. The ‘What ifs” are not necessarily useless, rather reminders that our God is faithful. He is just. And He is always moving us to grow. To deepen our faith. He loves us too much to leave us where we are. 

Comfortable – No. 

Dependent on Him – Yes.

Even now, I find myself in yet another new chapter of life. It has been a struggle to be obedient. To not resist. Every… Single … Day. But I am reminded that my God has greater things for me, in Him. To glorify Him. To draw me closer to Him. I cannot see the end of this tunnel. Sometimes I can’t feel Him in the tunnel with me. But my faith says, He is there and I can keep trusting Him.

Whatever new thing you are facing, remember that God is not done with you. Even when you say “But I don’t want to!”, He is probably just getting started. He loves you and wants to bring you closer to Him than ever before. You may not be able to see it, but you can trust Him no matter what!


How great is it when you have faithful women speak truth through hard transitions and changing of ministry. If you are looking for someone to help you through transitions and change, check out our mentoring program here at Breathe Ministry. www.breatheministry.com/Mentor/

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