No, I wasn’t going to do it. I was sure God was going to provide another way out…this just didn’t make sense.
We knew that things in our current ministry were closing down. People were less responsive to my husband’s teaching. Division and lines were being drawn in the sand by leaders, people with opinions, and little by little we could tell our Spiritual influence was waning.
Our family was suffering too…we had gone a long time without any Spiritual growth and were becoming worn down by the way ministry seemed to be demanding service out of us. I knew it was time, but I didn’t think it would be this way.
Since I was young, I felt God had a specific job for me in church ministry. So, when my husband suggested we take a job elsewhere, not in ministry, I balked. I found all the reasons why God would provide a way out of our situation by providing another ministry. If I were honest, I would have agreed we were in no place to minister to others. We needed ministering to.
We were not on the same page. I was fighting the nonsense notion that my husband felt this was God’s provision for us. “His provision for us to grow was outside what He made us for?” How does that work?
I wrestled. I wrestled a lot. We couldn’t go on like this. I conceded and could only pray, “God, if taking me out of ministry makes me more like you, then I’ll do it.” Gut wrenching for me, who felt die-hard about my call to service in church ministry was a life calling…no breaks, no time off..
But we needed a break. A time to heal, a time to grow.
If I were honest, I was arrogant to think the God of the universe, who knows the number of hairs on everyone’s head, who put all things into motion, would agree with me about the way His plan was to unfold in my life. Hearing it just sounds ridiculous! God wrapped that message in His tender love as He ministered to me in such an intimate way through our transition out of ministry. It’s been 7 months. I’m still adjusting. I have days I miss it terribly. But I also have days of such freedom as He redefines who I am. And that is just the break I needed!