Christian circles sometimes send the message that women should focus on developing meekness, submissiveness, and humility. We know God set up a perfect ideal plan for marriage and each spouse’s role. But how does that play out when we have a husband that lives one way from the pulpit, but another way in private? Are we having healthy boundaries in our marriage?
Below are 5 thoughts to think about when it comes to reassessing your boundaries between your spouse.
1. Get alone with God and study!
Study His perfect design for marriage. Delve into the individual roles each spouse should be living out. Then familiarize yourself with the order, role, and functionality of each spouse. Understand how marriage is actually meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church. Lastly, become comfortable with articulating what Scripture says.
2. Loving and honoring your spouse does not mean obeying him at all cost.
If you are in a situation where your spouse is not chasing after God’s best — and he has infringed on your healthy boundaries, holding to healthy boundaries is the loving thing to do. Making excuses and allowing ungodly behavior is NOT loving, it is unloving. Boundaries are rooted in unconditional love for our spouse.
3. Biblical submission does not mean allowing ungodly behavior to occur in your relationship or your home.
God always wants obedience. He always intended for marriage to mirror the love Christ had for the church. You are free to create boundaries that would encourage that image to be seen in your marriage.
4. Saying “no” does not equal sin.
Sometimes we think saying “no” or “that needs to change” to our husband means we are not following God’s mandate to submit. But that is not true. Sometimes saying “No” to behavior that is harmful to your spouse, others, or yourself will speak volumes to your submission to God.
5. You will need objective, outside support —who is that going to be?
This is not a road that will be easy. There are going to be high emotions, probably loud conversations, and possibly many tears. You will need support. You will need someone (or a group of someone’s) to walk this with. It cannot be anyone within your ministry. It must be a group of Godly women that can pray when you can’t, that can remind you of Scripture, and will uphold and support your every step.
Always remember that we are to encourage those in our world to be more like Christ. Helping your husband be God’s best version of himself is loving. Wrap your boundaries in love, remember the grace you have been shown, and work to make your marriage the best reflection of Christ’s love for His church. Having healthy boundaries in marriage can help you do this!
We know that October is Pastor’s Appreciation Month but for us, that means “Spoil the Pastor’s Wife” month! We’re giving away prizes every Sunday at 2. Watch, comment, and tag in each week’s video for a chance to win this! Check it out on our Facebook page.