When You Just Don’t Feel Like It

It had been a rough day. One of those days where nothing went according to plan. At least my plan. I really wanted to throw myself a pity party. But, I’ve been reading the psalms of David the last few weeks:

O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” (Ps. 3:1-2, NIV)

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? (Ps. 6:2-3, NIV)

My day was nothing like the days David had to endure, being chased around by Saul early in his life, and his own son Absalom later in his life. So, I took a cue from David and had a little “heart to heart” with God. Aloud. In my bedroom.

Why are things the way they are, God? How long do we have to put up with this? We just want to serve You…why are you making us wait? Why is life so difficult?

I wish I could say that God answered me. Aloud. In my bedroom. But He didn’t. I had to drag my weary body to church for–of all things–an Easter cantata dress rehearsal. My heart was not in it. At all.

But as I reflected on the words of the songs leaving my mouth, I thought about Christ. What a day HE had 2000 years ago. Even HE didn’t FEEL like going through with God’s plan. In fact, He asked for His Father to take it from Him, if at all possible. But it wasn’t. And He willingly went into a day that literally would take Him to hell…and back.

Humble Lamb Who came to take our sin away, led to suffer there on Calvary’s darkest day. Cruel nails have pierced His gentle hands and feet; rugged beams of wood became His holy seat.

 Lamb upon the throne, Lamb upon the throne; praise the King Who gave His life to save my own and satisfied the overwhelming debt I owed. All glory to the Lamb upon the throne.*

As the words to this and other beautiful songs left my lips, I couldn’t help but feel my “woe is me” attitude lift, slowly but surely. And even though I just didn’t feel like singing, God infused His love and grace into my hurting heart through the lyrics I was repeating. And–praise God!–souls were saved as we performed our dress rehearsal for the Wednesday night teen group. God used me in spite of myself.

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. (Ps. 3:3-4, NIV)

 Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. (Ps. 6:8-9, NIV)

Thank you, God, for your merciful love…even when I just don’t feel like it!


*”The Lamb upon the Throne”. Lyrics by Lee Black and Gina Boe.


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