perfect pastor's wife

You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Little Pastor’s Wife

You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Little Pastor’s Wife

Simple words maybe for some, but these words spoke life into me!

During a Bible study that a few deacon’s wives and myself were doing together last fall, one of them spoke these very words to me, “You don’t have to be a perfect little Pastor’s wife.” At first, I wasn’t sure how to take what she said.  At the time, I agreed and we discussed this for a bit. Once I got home that evening, I sat alone and just asked the Lord for some guidance. I knew that she meant well and that I wasn’t suppose to be perfect, and no-one is besides the Lord. Was trying to be perfect? Honestly, I don’t think I was. I do know that I was exhausting myself with all that I was doing and the Lord was showing me that I needed to take a step back in a few areas I was serving.

But, I also knew that the expectations placed on a Pastor’s wife are often too high. This wasn’t the case for me. Where my husband and I are currently serving, it will be 4 years in December.  As a Senior pastor’s wife for well over 12 years, I have experienced, seen & heard of many pastor’s wives that don’t feel adequate to fulfill the position God has called them to. While we all may struggle with feeling adequate for the task, we need to remember that we are not suppose to be serving in our own strength. We must draw our strength from the Lord and allow Him to direct us. If we attempt to serve in our own strength we will experience burnout.

As a pastor’s wife, we feel like we need to live up to the expectation others have of us. But that is not true. You are no different than any other woman in your church.  While your husband is the one being called to serve as a pastor, (Senior, Youth, Children or Family…etc) know that you don’t need to feel like you are called to anything other than being “A Mom  (if you have kids) and a Wife” God gives women instructions such as:

Deuteronomy 11:18-19

“Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.  And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

And Proverbs 22:6  teaches us to…

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Our priorities are Jesus first, our spouse second, then our children. And if we feel called by God to serve Him in a specific area then that would follow. But we can not forget our first priorities. Yes, God wants us to serve Him but not at the expense of our husband and our children. The Biblical role of being a pastor’s wife is understood from what the Scriptures teach about being a woman, a wife and mother, and a Christ-follower with God-given gifts.

My life verse is Galatians 1:10

“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.”

When I feel like my flesh is wanting to please man, I remind myself of this verse and its meaning.

I found this quote online as I was reading about being a pastor’s wife. It’s quite funny, however these are the very expectations that are sometimes placed on a us.  Honestly, they are flawed, but funny.

The pastor’s wife is supposed to always look nice, smile, sit down in the front row of church, and agree with her husband. Her kids need to be model Christians. She needs to be ready to open her home to people in the church at any time and serve them. It’s good if she volunteers to play the piano, help in the children’s ministry, or teach women’s Bible study. Quote from Soul

WOW!  Stereotypes like these can be crushing on a pastor’s wife! Wouldn’t you agree? I pray that these words bring you encouragement while also challenging you to live out the life God created for you to live!


Ronica Smith
Pastors wife/Renew Womens Ministry Leader

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